He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
