Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
