Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
