I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
