Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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