He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
