You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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