Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
