god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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