You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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