"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
