I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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