the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
