Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
