Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
