i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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