I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
