Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
