Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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