I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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