my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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