all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
