My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
