dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
