i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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