we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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