speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
