yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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