Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
