My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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