i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
