she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
