I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
