guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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