So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
