Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
