nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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