I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
