I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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