Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
