i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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