Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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