I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got chris browned last night
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
