I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
