i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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