I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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