goodnight i made you a song goodbye
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
