I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
