God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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