our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
