How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
