my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
