are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
