There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
