yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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