you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
